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Super Action Squad



Nov 29, 2003

Hola everyone. We are now on IPY getting ready for some classic uo fun. Anyone interested in joining us on IPY you can contact abz or join #lovers on


- Jherico


May 30, 2003

Hello citizens! If anyone's been missing us on Napa it's because we're all playing Shadowbane now (woot!?). Things have been going quite swimmingly as TLC ingenuity has allowed us to work around the limiting game mechanics to set up a mass killing squad with no comeuppance and plenty of action. Interested parties should make inquiries in #lovers. We are currently playing solely on the Chaos server.


-Absolute Zero




February 20, 2003

Congratulations! If you are reading this, your allegiance has been tested and you have passed! Please check your mail for a gift certificate to our guild store.


Updates shall be coming more frequently. A hearty band of adventurers have been playing Napa for some time now, and with AoS, activity has been picking up. Once our threshold has been met, the guild may be officially coming back. Until that time, anyone interested in pk'ing and eventually joining TLC should get in contact with The Super Action Squad!


Note the url to the message board has changed. Although masochism is an endearing trait, the popups were getting out of hand. Our new messageboard will free your minds from such Orwellian machinations. The colors do suck however, but have no fear! Top TLC fashion designers are hard at work on a color scheme for the new Spring season.


- Absolute Zero



April 16, 2002

Hello frequent TLC homepage viewers! Your months of loyal patronage will now be rewarded with the honor of an update!


I'm playing DAoC on Merlin with other Napa players in the guild DotB. We will be moving to the RvR server the split-second it opens (which should be relatively soon) and allying with DoK and any other scumbucket Napa players that wish to join in. Anyone interested please icq me ... same number as always.


See you again in 6 months, knaves.

- Absolute Zero

Oct 19, 2001

If anyone's interested in playing DAoC join #daocuo on

There's a bunch of guys in there playing Albion on the Merlin server. The more the merrier.

Sept 10, 2001

With the recent increase in activity and number of new/potentially new recruits we've decided to start tightening things up as far as the level of play and level of commitment we expect from members. The main changes to the req's are the addition of a 2-tiered title structure and some slightly more stringent requirements for getting onto the stone. For those of you who've been on the stone for a while already don't take any title changes personally. With a few days of training you should be able to get your old titles back no prob. And if the requirements are too hard to achieve then the lower level title might be more appropriate until you've worked on your character or certain aspects of your game. It'll be a good exercise for us all regardless. The new req's are given below. Some of it is old . . some of it is new.

Membership Req's

June 20, 2001

*Absolute Zero peels away the layers of his UO cocoon*

Hmmm, 4 months since the last update . . . better make it a good one . . . Nah, on second thought, that might resemble work.


Yes, I know. Our messageboard got nuked. It seems that through their infinite selfishness and complete lack of regard for their fellow man, Sitepowerup has stopped providing people with free messageboards. I've sent many letters detailing the special circumstances surrounding our operation and explained to them how silly it is to presume their standard policies could be applied to us but they seem unable to understand simple logic. When time in my extremely busy schedule permits, I will place the task of finding a suitable replacement to one of my more competent underlings.


In other news, Siege activity is slowly beginning to increase. I'll be damned if I wasn't out just yesterday killing a handful of people blatantly trespassing in sector 4372b. I'll never understand why people keep doing that. The old Napa guild Prophecy started on Siege recently and has been coming along nicely. We spent many hours on test center trying to figure out what these vaguely familiar spells are used for and I'm pleased to announce I was able to slay our young ward Cruzader by poisoning his food. I plan on working this combination into my revamped offensive repertoire at once. I look forward to increased activity and it shouldn't be long until we have much larger groups running from the anti-horde than normal.

February 8, 2001

TLC Motor Vehicle Advisory

No longer content with merely spreading the love in Sosaria, TLC has recently branched out to include the scenic highways of beautiful Oregon. Should you catch a glimpse of the following looming ever closer in your rear view mirror you would be well advised to grip the dashboard firmly with both hands and brace for some 8-cylinder, high-octane lovin'

When I go driving, I stay in my lane...


February 3, 2001

Sorry for the lack of updates but I've been very lazy lately (don't half the updates start out like that?). Activity on Siege is still going strong and we're finally to the point where we can impose our libido on the main gank squad groups from time to time. Last night we had 3 large fights outside the Delucia area against what I sure hope was every anti on the shard (i'd hate to think there are many more). Had a really great time, we lost a few, but 3 or 4 deaths to 1 is probably a very conservative estimate. Unfortunately I only turned on my camera toward the end of the action and missed taking pics of a ton of carnage, but here's a couple I did get . . .

*notice me leisurely hiding in the middle of the battle to take my picture. All those names along the left are the anti's, the folks on the right are mostly us, wc and ptk. We banded together for the night since the anti's had a group of easily 20-25+ for 8 of us earlier. What do they say about arms races again?*

In other news, check the private board if you haven't done so in a while. There's 4 or 5 messages that may/may not be important to you.

January 4, 2001

The Membership Requirements have been changed slightly. Basically the rules against horse-killing have been loosened a bit in particular scenarios and there is a new rule against gating in/out of dungeons.

December 17, 2000

After some scrapping with a local guild over the last couple weeks, the following peace treaty has been proposed for Dead Eye (the GM of SnR) to sign. We hope they will agree and a long, peaceful relationship can begin. Although if they don't agree . . . well, that'll be fun too. Either way is fine :)

Peace Treaty Proposal

December 13, 2000

Individuals interested in joining the guild should take a look at this document: Membership Req's

If you're still interested after reading that, leave me your icq on the public messageboard or get a hold of me through someone else if you can.

-Absolute Zero

December 12, 2000

Since our switchboards are ablaze with inquiries regarding our new song selection process, I shall attempt to shed some light on the subject. It all began when Absolute Zero delivered an ultimatum: either we change the song to "Anyway you want it", his alltime personal favourite, or we change it to "Anyway you want it". Seeing as TLC is a bastion of free love and democracy we naturally put it to a popular vote. Faced with the tough decision of picking between two identical and equally sucky choices the citizens cast votes that were split roughly 50/50 between the two. A few troublemakers suggested casting their votes for superior alternatives outside of the two presented but thankfully were shouted down by the mob as "commies" and "vote wasters".

The inconclusive results sparked an outcry from the populace as both sides cried foul. All attempts at the daunting task of counting some 30 votes failed as each count yielded a different result. As is customary when a situation loses all semblence of common sense we have turned it over to the courts. When this unelected judicial body returns its partisan biased decision the results of our grand democratic process will finally be known. We thank you for your patience.

-Sex Machine, Shit Disturber, TLC

December 10, 2000

The TLC war machine should begin revving up over the next couple weeks. We've got 10 GM/master mages at various stages of readiness with others on the way, so i expect some 4-5 man "probes" operating within the week.

*Rubs hands together*

It's all falling into place. Mwuhahaha. . .

November 30, 2000

Progress on Siege is going well. We have a couple GM mages with others on the way, and people are earning money for homes if they haven't gotten one already. Activity in irc is very high from not only TLC members but ex-Napa players in general. There's around 30 people using the channel regularly, so I don't expect having any problems fielding a strong group once we get going. We're hoping to get some organized love-spreading going on by Christmas as I hear Santa and his elves feel many Sosarian's have been very, very naughty this year.

-Absolute Zero

November 16, 2000

Yes, that's right boys and girls, the rumours are true. TLC is starting up on Siege Perilous. With the removal of ROT even the laziest member of the guild, Sex Machine, has grudgingly begun work on his character. We've got 8 of the old members and about 4 or 5 close friends working hard daily so it shouldn't be too long 'til we're up and running. If any of you old TLC's are thinking of coming over give me an icq and I'll give you our new irc channel. And if any of you old Napa'ites are interested in joining get a hold of me. We probably won't be recruiting until we've been up and running strong for 2-3 weeks and have our routines re-configured for all the rule changes over the last 6 mo's, but we'll be recruiting eventually.

-Absolute Zero

November 14, 2000

There comes a time in every mans life when he looks deep within himself and catches a glimpse of his carnal side. The side of him that doesn't long for the comforting, loving partner who will care and nurture for him. No, this is the side that craves a different kind of love. A... tougher... kind of love. There's nothing quite like a commanding dominatrix wearing a black latex body suit, blood red velvet robe and wielding a 5 foot long, clinically white rod who is just as likely to give you a kiss as they are to crush your balls with a pair of pliers. I think I'm in love.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie... thats amore!


September 9, 2000

New Dungeon? Who the hell asked for this? More importantly, who made the decision to actually follow through with such an idiotic idea. All this is going to do is make yet another weinerland for whiners to hide out in and feel like gods because they bladespirited their 4503rd ogre lord who couldn't figure out how to get around that stalagmite. Also, what happened to factions? Ever hear of working on something until its finished? No... lets start 8 dozen things and do a half assed job managing to finish maybe a third of them.

I want those responsible round up in a big pen so we can all take turns flogging them. Not only will we be getting this unwanted dungeon but we are also getting a few equally unwanted features. "Special consequences for players to kill other players". Gee, bend over PvP community, here's an old favourite we know you'll like. After all, they've fucked us hard up the ass so many times and we're still throwing money at them... they probably think we enjoy it.

-Sex Machine

September 9, 2000

While out and about in our fair land I always keep a sharp eye out for any prospective lovers who might be in the area. A quick cupping of the crotch, nimble pinching of the buttocks and a perusal of their character profile are all part of the screening process. I met this supple young man in the lubricants aisle and it was love at first sight. Please don't email him though, he's all mine.

- Public Enemy

September 7, 2000

Oops, I did it again . . .

The bots over at LumCorp had a brief remark in their news section about their inevitable bannings (yeah, right), and included a link to a thread developing on the CoB discussion board started by a scrappy, young idealist named Kato (I hear he's highly sexable if you catch my drift, wink wink).

I have a feeling the thread will soon be exhibiting a massive increase in spelling errors and circular logic as the Lummites flock to defend their Lizard King, so go check it out and add your 2 cents to the "debate".

-Absolute Zero

September 6, 2000

Breaking news from the TLC information network . . .

For those of you who've been following the boards lately, a couple weeks ago osi gave 72 hour/total bans to an entire PvP guild (around 44 members if i remember correctly) on Baja for having an 8 month old (and very dead) link to UOE on their guild's site. Yes, that was the official reason sent in their emails . . . an out of date dead link on a webpage.

Well, earlier today on Lum the Mad's they provided a link to UltimateFreedom (the new l33t illegal 3rd party proggy for UO) in their news section.

So this begs the question . . . shouldn't everyone associated with Lum the Mad's site also be banned or given suspensions? Now knowing Lummites as the corporate brown-nosing, osi ass-kissing roleplaying bots they are, I think everyone knows very well that osi probably isn't going to even acknowledge the issue, much less do anything about it. It's still a new issue though so I'm just waiting. Oh how I love to watch obvious hypocrisy and player favoritism unfold right before my eyes.

-Absolute Zero

September 4, 2000

Yanked this pic off the Dev board today as it sums up so much about osi lately.

There's been a report from the J-D guild of Chesapeake that OSI snuck in some code resetting everyone's short-term murder counts to zero. This might be fine and dandy if there weren't pk's out there (like us) who actually WANT their hard-earned murder counts. Their guildmaster Alice Cooper went from somewhere in the mid 3000's on the bounty board, down to 5. That's a good way to flush a couple years of accomplishment down the toilet. This is yet another example of the completely out of touch programming staff adding change after change without asking for, or listening to, any input from the playerbase whatsoever. At the very least we should be given the OPTION of deciding on our own whether or not to decrease our short-term counts down to 0, but I guess the idea of a pk wanting murder counts is completely foreign to their ferret-sized brains. So if your hundreds of murders go down to 5, you know why. We can start collecting silver for factions now instead! Woooo!

Oh, also don't forget to lock your doors. It isn't certain whether the secure/locked down looting bug (using a new 3rd party proggy) has been fixed yet since as usual the dev team has decided to keep its playerbase completely in the dark about any progress, or lack thereof, on this ridiculously important issue.

The only good news of late is that you may see a scrappy young newbie named Ezekill wandering the lands of Sosaria asking for baubles and shiny weapons. If you see this unfortunate lad, please give him any extra scraps you have laying around.

-Absolute Zero

August 24, 2000

The Love Crusade in 30,000 AD

"All sentients must maintain love quotients of at least 12.63 CLU's (Cubic Love Units). Failure to meet or excede these levels will result in the immediate termination of life functions."

Hurry up Anarchy Online . . . Hurry up . . .

July 16, 2000

Various crap... (A.K.A. two updates in one day, it has to be a sign of the apocalypse, run!)

It's a dark day for UO when we're actually considered worth interviewing. I got a call pretty early into it that I wasn't able to just let the machine deal with so I missed most of it.

In other news Absolute Zero and I met for the first time this weekend. He finally got off his ass and drove up here for a weekend of chillin' and killin'. He got to experience first hand the spartan room full of crap in which my computer sits and I got to witness the amazing feat of someone getting fall down drunk off a half glass of wine spritzer. Together we ventured into the world of Counterstrike and suffered inumerable humiliating defeats at the hands of our opposition. I think I have yet to use a flashbang without blinding myself and half my team.

-Sex Machine

July 16, 2000

Been awhile since I made an update. I'd like to be able to say that it's been pressing real life issues that have prevented me from diligently updating this page for the horde of regular readers (yeah, all four of you) but the odds of you actually believing me are only marginally better than the odds of me ever purchasing/subscribing to another EA or Origin product. UO2? I have left specific instructions for Cruzader to put me back on track with a rusty lead pipe should I ever set foot in that game.

TLC hasn't been doing much lately since there's not all that much to do. (go figure) We're dabbling a little bit in Diablo 2 and Counterstrike at the moment but no real organized guild action is in the works. Stay tuned Friend Citizens and remember:

Stay Alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy!

-Sex Machine

June 26, 2000

It looks like we are going to be officially moving to The Damned. I've scheduled a tentative guild mirc meeting on Friday at 5pm so we can discuss things. Anyone that plans to come should download the software and get themselves a little used to the shard before Friday. If you need any technical assistance contact me, Sex Machine or Cruzader. Or hell. . . pubs, tarus stile and doug have all been on there so they could help you also. I just want to hear from you if you're planning on coming over. We should have a residence for the guild set up by then assuming everything goes smoothly. Cruzader has agreed to GM the guild while I get my connection situation stabilized. Also, start dropping into mirc every once in a while. I been feeling sorry for little 'ole Jellyroll sitting in there all by his lonesome. He needs some lovin'.

-Absolute Zero

June 25, 2000

*Rant Mode On*


I'm still looking around desparately for a needle to shove into my eye. With absolute shock and disbelief I watched the housing patch fail miserably. As Osi had to predict what its consumers would do on patch day . . . it was clear they were going to fail miserably. They've never once shown even a miniscule understanding of the mechanics of their consumer's thinkng processes, so why should they start now? For god's sakes, even *I* thought about placing a house (translation castle/keep) in Trammel. That could only mean at least 99.9% of the shard wanted to place, since everyone who knows anything knows I quit this stupid ass, fucked up, idiot-coded piece-of-shit game months ago and could give a flying fucking ass about housing. It's always beautiful when you see a game-wide duping frenzy sweep the shard right before a house placing patch. Although with Trammel farming and people earning 20-25k an hour with no risk whatsoever it's hard to know what rich means anymore. Anyone remember hanging out for hours in Covetous corpser room at 75gp a shot, eyes peeled for the next group of dreadlords sweeping through the dungeons, killing everything in sight? When a giant snake on your ass meant it was time to high-tail it out of Dodge? Of course not. When did anyone have to worry about danger in dungeons? But I digress . . fuck osi. I been trying to get started up a bit on The Damned. If anyone's been keeping score . . . that's Seige, Asheron's Call, and The Damned I've tried in the last few months. I sure seem like a flighty guy, eh? Nope, sorry. Played UO almost every day of my life since Dec 97 and then stopped 100% cold-turkey one day about 3 months ago. Wasn't me, was fucking OSI. Of course, people will continue to tell me the dread lord days were bullshit, no matter how much I wanted to relive them, and stat-loss was a necessary evil. But I seem to remember Covetous in the old days. Walking through the first level . . . 6 people in the harpy room, 3 in the gazer room, 4 in the corpser room and 4 or 5 hunting in between the halls from one area to the other. That's not mentioning the 7 or 8 that were hanging out directly outside of the dungeon and down by Vesper X-road. And then every 15 minutes, like a damn stopwatch, a group of at least 6-10 reds would come through attacking everything in sight. Go to Covetous level 1 nowadays and you'll be butt-fucking lucky if you find 1 guy there. Remember when you used to go to Covetous, see the 7-8 guys hanging around outside and you'd ask, "Any Pk's come through lately?" Inevitably the answer would be . . "about 5 minutes ago there were about 8 mages . . . we're waiting for them to come back now, you want to join?" THAT was a community. And no matter what time of the day or night it was, there were ALWAYS 7-8 people there that otherwise would've never talked to each other if it hadn't been for pk's. Now the game is a bunch of isolated irc channels with 50 different groups of people who all think they're too cool to talk to anyone else, waiting inside their houses for a good opportunity to gang-bang some enemy that was stupid enough to hang at a bank while only 1 or 2 members strong ...BUT OSI HAS 170K ACCOUNTS NOW MAN!!!! Um, where the fuck are they? I haven't seen more than 1/5th the population I used to see every god damn day in YEARS. I don't give a shit if they have more accounts now than they ever had. NO ONE FUCKING PLAYS. You remember the dread days? EVERY DUNGEON WAS PACKED TO THE GILLS! People actually used to play then. Now it's a power hour a day if you're lucky and then the rest of the time its bullshitting on message boards. And anyone that thinks its the player's fault, and not the codes, is a fool. Playstyles are a result of the code. There's enough accounts in UO where the law of large numbers definately applies, and anyone hoping to change human nature is kidding themselves. All I can say is they fucked up one great game. I died 70% of the time to the dreads that came through and I loved every second of it. When's Shadowbane come out again? My GERD is acting up again . . . Ugh, I guess I just have a little Old School Fever. I'm sorry, but 1000 newbies CAN be wrong.


*Rant Mode Off*


-Absolute Zero

June 13, 2000

It seems as though our little friend has a sense of humour after all... as you can see his skills are still fairly undeveloped, but at least he's trying.

Good work Fenris, there may be hope for you after all.

-Sex Machine

June 12, 2000

Guys I have to admit that was one of the most beautiful collection of pictures ever scraped together by a TLC
member.  *Cuddles his little buddy*  Don't worry Sex Machine, our love spreading is far from over!!


June 12, 2000

Posted some pictures of happier times in the "Our Tender Embrace" section. It makes me misty eyed just thinking about all the love and good times... *sniffle*

-Sex Machine

June 10, 2000

Anybody who's interested in spreading a little love on Napa should consider hooking up with TOR. To my knowledge they're the only pk guild still active on this shard. Their guildmaster's ICQ# is 19048551, give him a shout if you're interested.

-Sex Machine

June 9, 2000

It's been a long time since I updated this page (I'm an even bigger slacker than Absolute Zero and Sex Machine). I have some special news that I'd like to share with you all though. It is my pleasure to announce that Death and I are engaged to be married! With all the excitement we haven't had a chance to set a date or place yet but we'll keep you posted!


June 8, 2000

Kindly remove my picture from your site at once

or I will pursue legal action. This isn't UO folks, you can't just slander people in the real world and expect to get away with it.

by Fenris - Catskills posted 6/8/00 6:54:38 AM

Sue this you depraved freak...

"I post my ugly ass all over the net and then whine when people make fun of me" - Fenris of Catskills

-Sex Machine

June 8, 2000

Profile of a Madman: Famine, Two Pump Chump, TLC

Famine was born 28 years ago to ordinary parents in a farmhouse outside Skara Brae. He hasn't been able to get near a pussy since... Famine grew up in a very sexually-inhibited home. No one told him about sex, and the knowledge one might acquire naturally about the subject eluded him. He watched the barnyard animals scrog but did not understand. He only knew that he had to find a release for the pent-up frustration and pressure he felt.

He searched for a long time for a solution to his dilemna, but to no avail. Finally, his frustration overcame him and he slew his parents savagely, devouring them in a single sitting. He then felt that tension start to ease. It wasn't much of a release, but it was something... a momentary satisfaction in an eternal hell. And Famine wished to feel it again, and again, and again... And feel it he did, by wandering the countryside, slaughtering any person he chanced to meet, in a grisly, violent rage.

Eventually he chanced upon the dynamic duo of Absolute Zero and Sex Machine of TLC. Famine tried to slay them, entering a psychotic, spastic rage, but was overmatched by the cool cunning of his foes. Seeing Famine's potential as a mass murderer, they decided to take pity on Famine, asking him to join their guild. Famine relented, planning upon killing them in their sleep. But before he could, he was given a revelation by Absolute Zero, who realizing that Famine would be of no use to them in his current state, taught him the art of masturbation.

It is believed that the result of Famine's first foray into this art reached escape velocity and is now orbiting Sosaria. Though one of the very best in Britannia in slaying the innocent, Famine is still a newbie in his new hobby, for which he has earned the title "Two Pump Chump". Famine is not concerned with this. He just can't wait to finally make it to three...

June 7, 2000

Hmm... 2 updates in 3 months. I'm on a roll...

Haven't done squat with UO since that worthless UO:R patch pretty much destroyed what little was left for me in the game. What I don't understand is why? PKing was far from out of control. Even if it had been there was now an ENTIRE world for all the wetpants newbies and cum gargling whiners to run around whacking monsters to their hearts content. There was simply no reason beyond petty revenge to fuck over the reds as hard as they did. Did all these losers whine so much that OSI was finally forced to destroy us? Not fucking likely, were that the case it would have happened long ago. I suspect it was fuckups like Sunsword and Runesabre who set the game on its disasterous course and the worst is yet to come...

Another thing, why the hell are the old lands called "PVP enhanced"? Would enhancement not indicate some sort of improvement? PvP Devoid is more like it. They had an incredible opportunity when they created Barneyland and as usual they totally fucked it up. All they had to do was remove stat loss and let the old world be as it once was. The whiners could hang out in Barneyland indefinitely and would never have to be pk'd while those interested in PvP could have a blast fighting each other in the old lands. I'm even willing to deal with the no recall/gate/aggressor flag bullshit if I wasn't stat loss. I'm more than willing to fight the good fight if you don't rape my characters stats/skills when I inevitably die. It all makes so much sense to me and I have yet to see an even remotely logical post in opposition of it.

"But its 'PvP Enhanced' not 'PK Enhanced!"

Universal response of the clueless idiot, aka "The Fenris Tactic". Here's a tip, stop spouting buzzwords and catch phrases for 30 seconds and try to come up with your own opinion on the issue.

"If you don't want to take stat loss then don't pk!"

Yeah thats about as valid as the old "if you don't want to be pk'd, don't leave town" argument.

"But my houses are all in the old world!"

So what? Houses are now 100% secure, what do you care? You'll be able to move them to newbieland soon enough anyways. If OSI had half a brain they would've made the new world the "PvP Enhanced area" and turned the old world into Barneyland.

"Factions are coming soon!"

Factions are going to be total garbage much like guildwars were. A whole lot of recalling from bank to bank (or townstone to townstone as the case may be) in a desperate search for an orange target. Nothing can replace the ability to totally ambush an enemy who has no idea they're about to be attacked. I used to run around with my blue characters and actually feel as though the world was dangerous and exciting. Now I can't even be bothered to hide when I leave the room to take a piss.

I have literally been getting half a dozen requests a day for TLC to return to Napa Valley. Most of those from people we used to hunt and kill. They tell me they miss the excitement of knowing we could attack at any time and how much fun they had regrouping to hunt us down. In destroying us, the villains, OSI has also destroyed the heroes who once fought valiantly against us.

Return to Napa? I can pretty much say its not going to happen. Most of us have cancelled our accounts and moved on to Asherons Call or The Damned. OSI and Origin would have to pull their heads out of their asses and make some big changes before I'll consider giving them any of my business again (UO or otherwise).

*extends middle finger and aims it in the general direction of Texas*

-Sex Machine

May 20, 2000

Welp, a bit overdue for an update. Basically no one has pk'ed since the UO:R patch 'cept for pubs who was on a suicide mission. Actually I think I've played a grand total of 4 hours since that patch and don't see anything changing. My character on Seige is moderately okay and I could probably pk with him, but I'm so disillusioned right now I get a sick feeling in my stomach any time I log on. Sex Machine, Cruzader, Famine, Death, Bahamut and I have all basically moved on to Darktide full-time and it looks like that'll probably be permanent, at least until the next big thing comes around. Apparently Tripp is also threatening to come over from what I've picked up on the rumor mill. It's not UO during it's heyday . . . but it's still pretty fun and in many ways its FAR more brutal than the dreadlord days ever wished they coulda been. The Fenris's of the world would probably play for about 3 minutes before sobbing uncontrollably and hanging themselves by their furcoats. Nice to finally get a breather from all the defeatist pussies for a while. I'm getting my ass dropped daily (although not anywhere near as often as famine and baha . . . those newbs) and just like in UO all it's done is made me want to learn, get good, and figure out a way to start putting some of my own smack down. Damn the UO crybaby's for fucking up our game. Probably won't be updating here much unless we get some organized Darktide action going. If you're TLC or a friend and looking for a change, come on over. We suck major ass, but we'll get there . . .

-Absolute Zero

April 27, 2000

Welp, they finally did it. The worst patch in OSI's history was just implemented (an AMAZING feat in itself). Pk'ing = dead, Duelling = dead, Total newbie character = ultimate pvp'ing machine, and a doubling of the land mass for an already much smaller active playing population. Everything you could do to a pk to fuck him over outside of character deletion on death has been implemented. Full stat loss, an inability to leave the area of an attack, and an inability to work a decent character back up. I can't even think of what else they could do to fuck up a pk more than they already have outside of character deletion. And what were the two main factors that made duelling tactically interesting during the golden age of the duel? 1. Pre-casting,and 2. Insta-hits. Both gone now, even though basically no one in the entire UO pvp'ing population asked for either one of those changes. Just to make things even lamer they throw in a completely random special power for weapons just to make sure that the removal of skill that went along with no precasting and no insta-hitting was total and complete. How bout they just give us all a 6-sided die and instead of actually fighting battles just let us roll the thing, highest roll takes all. Got yourself a 7x mage you worked your ass off on? Might as well delete 'em. I'll make a char in one week that will beat his ass into oblivion. The Golden Age of the Newbie has arrived. Oh well, I guess now the gm's can compete on their home shards. Could someone please remind me what the fucking point to this game was?

- Absolute Zero

March 31, 2000

For those of you attempting to get your foot into Seige there is a document in the Private section that I will continue to update very regularly. It'll basically surmise my characters progress and will contain any tips and knowledge I gain as I create my character. Hopefully some of you can extract some useful information from it and avoid some of the mistakes or problems I'm sure to run into as I continue. Also it can act as a benchmark for figuring out whether you are progressing fast or slow and give you an idea of what to expect as far as skill gains go.

-Absolute Zero

March 29, 2000

Been spending a lot of time on Seige lately. TLC isn't moving there officially but I'd like members to at least create a character there and work on stats (explanation of how to raise stats with basically NO work is in the private section. It doesn't take work but it takes TIME cause you can only go up so much per day, so start early). I'm going to play there while waiting for faction system to come in since there's very little for me to do on Napa right now. We may try switching officially depending on how things go so I would like those of you interested in switching to have chars somewhat in the works. I should be able to provide at least a little startup $ for those of you with nothing to your name (hopefully Stile and Bahamut will also be willing to provide a little startup $) so please contact me when you make your char. We're still going to pk on Napa, but as you can see from what's been happening the last couple weeks it'll be at a diminished rate. No one knows how to ruin a guild quite like OSI.

-Absolute Zero

March 21, 2000

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Cruzader tries to get the attention of his attractive cellmate

March 19, 2000

TLC took part in what began as a peaceful demonstration last night on the Chesapeake shard.  The beginning of the rally went quite smoothly and the vast majority of those in attendance were quite well behaved. Things swiflty got out of hand when representatives from OSI arrived.  I'd like to think they arrived to hear us out but the realist in me suspects their appearance was the result of the actions of a few troublemakers.  At any rate the GM's began ejecting people from the castle and locked the doors in an unacceptable attempt to deal with these few problem players.  After being ejected twice for the heinous crime of standing there watching the mass of people it was time to do something about it...

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Viva La Revolution!

March 18, 2000

You push your way through the sea of smelly bodies and take a seat in the far corner of the room.   Glancing around to make sure nobody is watching, you reach beneath your chair and find the paper covered package you knew would be there.  Tucking it snugly under your cloak you make your way back out of the building and walk swiftly down the street and into a nearby alley. You pause for a moment to make sure you are alone and then hide yourself behind a pile of rotting kegs.  Once there you untie the strings binding the package and wonder who the next man to feel your dagger between his shoulder blades will be...

March 17, 2000

In the course of this glorious crusade we see a lot of pretty shocking things.  Sizzling flesh, popped eyeballs and people who tuck their pants into their socks.  We have learned to deal with it though, our minds have been desensitized to the horrors of battle and most things don't phase us.  Note how I said 'most'... sometimes we come across sights so horrid, so unexplainable that even our rock solid psyche can't handle it.  These pictures are from just such an occasion...

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"I'd watch out for that one, it's poisonous" - Lonewolf
       - Sex Machine

March 17, 2000

Now that the number of visitors to this page has skyrocketed into the mid 20's, I thought we should clean up our image a bit; no more dead links, inconsistent layouts and incomplete pages for us.  I also made the font a bit smaller to give us that streamlined space-age look.

       - Sex Machine

March 14, 2000

Added an explanation to our acts onto the pink mob picture page. Apparently the pics were being linked by some in the pro stat-loss crowd under the misguided impression they were evidence for their point. To go straight to the explanation click here:

A Pvp'ers view of the Pink Horde

March 10, 2000

The PvP community got together today to exhibit their dissatisfaction with OSI's refusal to acknowledge their voice and opinions about the game we've all played so long and contributed so much money toward. With the introduction of a skill system that makes it 10X more difficult for a stat-loss pk to work himself back up, and a continuing refusal to acknowledge that the original reasons for the implementation of stat-loss will soon disappear with the introduction of pvp+ and pvp- lands, the pvp community has come together to send a resounding message that we want pk'ing and anti warfare back in all its glory in the pvp+ lands. For this occasion, many members of historically opposing guilds, have put their differences aside for a greater cause. Representation from an appreciable percentage of the shard's major pvp guilds: DoK, MK, TLC, TOC, SI, vR^, *G*, and TR2 among others joined together for the first time to go on a murderous rampage, exhibiting the tension and conflict between forces that the game could never dream of reproducing with systems of purely consentual combat. Screenshots of the nights rampage appear in the picture section so go check 'em out. Here's a small sample . . .

Feel the wrath of pink terror!

March 2, 2000

Allieship with L%C is over. More trouble than it's worth. Also DoK disbanded so that allieship is also over. That leaves KoT and /P\. Haven't talked to any of the /P\ members in eons though so be cautious around them regardless.

February 26, 2000

TLC and friends bust a move on many a booty. Made a special page dedicated to today in the pic section. Go check it out! Here's a small sample for you lazy bastards . . .

February 24, 2000

Yet another allieship today. This time with L%C. I think that pretty much covers all the main guilds that contain TLC blues so hopefully there will no longer be any confusion when running into DoK's and L%C's. Once again the agreement only extends to members with TLC or L%C initials over their head. As always, if anyone breaks the alliance or an "accident" occurs please contact me so we can deal with it and decide on a clear stance asap.

Current Allies: KoT, /P\, DoK, L%C

February 22, 2000

We've officially entered a non-attack agreement with DoK. This means if we run into any character with DoK initials we are not to attack. Likewise, DoK is not to attack any character with TLC initials. This brings our current allies up to: KoT, /P\, and DoK. If there are any attacks on either side please inform me ASAP so it can be dealt with immediately as confusion on this matter may end up with the unnecessary death of a stat-loss red.

- Absolute Zero

February 18, 2000

Was a fun night out with many corpses left in our tracks. Shouts go out to Teron for breaking 100 murders and Spank The Monkey for beginning what I'm sure will become a long and illustrious career. Feel the Love!

February 12, 2000

Bio's link is back to working. Thanks to Tripp for changing some of those pesky lower-case letters to upper case. Tech support can be such a nightmare . . .

February 7, 2000

Never let it be said I don't have enough free time . . .

Ever wondered what the top 25 kill list on the shard might look like? No? Well, tough cause I happen to have it for you. This may not be exact, but if a pk has shown his face at all on the bounty board since 6/8/99 I've seen it. There may be 1 or 2 not on the list that should be included, but that's it at the most. So here it is . . . enjoy :)

Top 25 bounty board verified kills as of 2/5/00

1. 1712 Absolute Zero - TLC

11. 540 Jelly Roll Morton-TLC

21. 308 Crossbow Jones-TLC

2. 1382 Stile - TLC

12. 493 Cruzader - TLC

22. 275 Sir Garrith - TLC

3. 1111 Bahamut - TLC

13. 465 Dooms Day of Zo-DmX

22. 275 Judge Judy - TOC

4. 804 Sex Machine - TLC

14. 441 Emo - ?

24. 273 Anastasia - TLC

5. 802 Kane - TOC

15. 440 Famine - TLC

25. 250 Viper - TOC

6. 725 Rup - TOC

16. 389 MeDoc - TOC



7. 707 Lithium - TOC

17. 352 Sike III - ?



8. 593 Erasor - TLC

18. 341 Nickolia Volkrof- TLC

9. 574 Vitamin X - ?

19. 337 Tripp - TLC



10. 556 Morpheus - ?

20. 331 Shyracin - TLC



Every couple of months I'll update this so we can see the TLC's gravitate toward the top :) Keep up the good work guys!

February 7, 2000

The TLC Private Section has recently been added and will hopefully soon be full of all sorts of fun tidbits for those deemed cool enough to enter. The Private board has also been changed and started anew. I'll icq out the pw to get in to these sections, or if I happen to forget, someone give me a shout. As if we need more passwords . . . And yes, I know, the bio's link doesn't work anymore. Don't worry, our top people have been assigned to the task so hopefully it may be fixed within the next fiscal year.

- Absolute Zero

February 5, 2000

Because of stat-loss, it is a commonly known fact that TLC will only gang bang their prey and recall on sight whenever numbers are not drastically in their favor. Due to this fact i'm sure you can all imagine the paralyzing fear Absolute Zero, Tripp and Sir Garrith felt when they stumbled upon roughly 12 adventurers hanging out at Britain's crossroads.

True to form, the TLC promptly recalled after seeing the 12 adventurers . . . but only after a brief 9 murder detour.

January 18, 2000

Some people wonder what's the secret behind our group's organization and coordination in the field. Well, the answer is simple. Basic World World II battle tactics! Phear us!

January 17, 2000

Welp I'm finally getting off my arse and taking the time to figure out how to work on the page. Linked up Tripp's bio work, the public board, the private board, and will revamp the picture site soon. Also look for more frequent updates in the future.

- Absolute Zero

November 28, 1999

Tripp has graciously offered her expertise in making us each a Flash-enhanced bio to cream our pants over.  Send a picture of your paperdoll and a copy of your bio to her and she will make you a star.  

-Sex Machine

November 28, 1999

In an uncharacteristic fit of productivity I'm giving the site a facelift.  If you have anything to add just let me, Cruz or Absolute Zero know.  I'd also like to thank FeelMyLove for allowing us to use his server to host this site.  Plant a big wet one on him next time you see him.

-Sex Machine

November 15, 1999

Reminder of TLC req's: 90 magery, 80+ medi and eval, upper 90's str. You should not be going out with other TLC members if you do not meet these. You may not be concerned with your char being top-notch but other members expect you to meet these min req's and depend on your competency. Also there has been an increase in the amount of pointless res-killings going on. I know it can be fun and occasionally amusing, but it is not the policy of TLC to res-kill without decent justification. If you feel you must act like one of the other countless D00D pk's on the shard feel free to join another pk guild. TLC will take joy in the act of murder and not in the humiliation or disrespect of its victims.

-Absolute Zero

November 14, 1999

We here at TLC are very proud to announce that our very own Stile has become the #2 lover on the shard in kills with 873 and rising!!! yay =P~ Lez all give Stile a big kiss when we see him!

In other less important news, we need a small, funny biography on your character so we can add it to the upcoming members section. Also, if anyone can make that a passworded members section, please icq Cruzader or Sex Machine.. Thank yaz!

November 9, 1999

Sometimes our victims look up at us with big puppy dog eyes and say "What would your mothers think?" Well I never knew my parents but I know one mother who doesn't disapprove of her son's career. Her name is Mrs. Stile and she's so proud she sent us some cute pictures of her little bundle of joy.

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"Now don't that just melt yer heart?" - Stiles Mother

November 7, 1999

November 7, 1999

Whats the difference between a Roman Catholic priest and ACNE?

ACNE doesn't come on your face until you're 13.

November 6, 1999

We owe a lot to the people of Britannia, they feed us, they clothe us and most importantly of all they provide us with endless hours of entertainment. There's only so much you can take without having to give back. With that in mind we took some time out of our hectic schedules to extend our greetings to the people of this magnificent world:

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"Beautiful man, just beautiful..." - Sex Machine with a tear in his eye

November 6, 1999

Made a cheesy banner at the top. For the love of god somebody make a better one!!!

-Sex Machine

November 4, 1999

The News of the Front section has been posted. It will contain very important data and information which is too long to post up here. Please look at what is there, for it is very important.


November 3, 1999

Special thanks to Famine for dipping into his Musical Archives and pulling the musical nightmare you are listening to now. It was also his idea to loop it for added enjoyment.

"Hanson rox the classroom!" - Famine

November 3, 1999

TLC Fun Fact #12! Did you know that in real life Absolute Zero was the big Indian in a certain hit 70's band?

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"Macho, Macho Man..."

November 2, 1999

The TLC page is in it's infancy... any members who have anything to contribute please let Cruzader, Absolute Zero or Sex Machine know. We do mean ANYTHING. As you can see, we're not very picky :)

November 2, 1999

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Meet the "Man behind it all"... Cruzader! Yes ladies, that is a sock.


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All compliments, gifts and pictures of naked women are to be sent to the attention of Sex Machine

Please direct your complaints, threats and pictures of naked men to the attention of Absolute Zero