Nov 29, 2003
Hola everyone. We are now on IPY getting ready for some classic uo fun. Anyone interested in joining us on IPY you can contact abz or join #lovers on irc.stratics.com.
May 30, 2003
Hello citizens! If anyone's been missing
us on Napa it's because we're all playing Shadowbane now (woot!?).
Things have been going quite swimmingly as TLC ingenuity has
allowed us to work around the limiting game mechanics to set
up a mass killing squad with no comeuppance and plenty of action.
Interested parties should make inquiries in #lovers. We are
currently playing solely on the Chaos server.
February 20, 2003
Congratulations! If you are reading this,
your allegiance has been tested and you have passed! Please
check your mail for a gift certificate to our guild store.
shall be coming more frequently. A hearty band of adventurers
have been playing Napa for some time now, and with AoS, activity
has been picking up. Once our threshold has been met, the guild
may be officially coming back. Until that time, anyone interested
in pk'ing and eventually joining TLC should get in contact with
The Super Action Squad!
url to the message board has changed. Although masochism is
an endearing trait, the popups were getting out of hand. Our
new messageboard will free your minds from such Orwellian machinations.
The colors do suck however, but have no fear! Top TLC fashion
designers are hard at work on a color scheme for the new Spring
April 16, 2002
Hello frequent TLC homepage viewers! Your
months of loyal patronage will now be rewarded with the honor
of an update!
I'm playing DAoC on Merlin with other
Napa players in the guild DotB. We will be moving to the RvR
server the split-second it opens (which should be relatively
soon) and allying with DoK and any other scumbucket Napa players
that wish to join in. Anyone interested please icq me ... same
number as always.
again in 6 months, knaves.
- Absolute Zero
Oct 19, 2001
If anyone's interested in playing DAoC
join #daocuo on irc.stratics.net
a bunch of guys in there playing Albion on the Merlin server.
The more the merrier.
Sept 10, 2001
With the recent increase in activity and
number of new/potentially new recruits we've decided to start
tightening things up as far as the level of play and level of
commitment we expect from members. The main changes to the req's
are the addition of a 2-tiered title structure and some slightly
more stringent requirements for getting onto the stone. For
those of you who've been on the stone for a while already don't
take any title changes personally. With a few days of training
you should be able to get your old titles back no prob. And
if the requirements are too hard to achieve then the lower level
title might be more appropriate until you've worked on your
character or certain aspects of your game. It'll be a good exercise
for us all regardless. The new req's are given below. Some of
it is old . . some of it is new.
June 20, 2001
*Absolute Zero peels away the layers of
his UO cocoon*
months since the last update . . . better make it a good one
. . . Nah, on second thought, that might resemble work.
know. Our messageboard got nuked. It seems that through their
infinite selfishness and complete lack of regard for their fellow
man, Sitepowerup has stopped providing people with free messageboards.
I've sent many letters detailing the special circumstances surrounding
our operation and explained to them how silly it is to presume
their standard policies could be applied to us but they seem
unable to understand simple logic. When time in my extremely
busy schedule permits, I will place the task of finding a suitable
replacement to one of my more competent underlings.
news, Siege activity is slowly beginning to increase. I'll be
damned if I wasn't out just yesterday killing a handful of people
blatantly trespassing in sector 4372b. I'll never understand
why people keep doing that. The old Napa guild Prophecy started
on Siege recently and has been coming along nicely. We spent
many hours on test center trying to figure out what these vaguely
familiar spells are used for and I'm pleased to announce I was
able to slay our young ward Cruzader by poisoning his food.
I plan on working this combination into my revamped offensive
repertoire at once. I look forward to increased activity and
it shouldn't be long until we have much larger groups running
from the anti-horde than normal.
February 8, 2001
Motor Vehicle Advisory
No longer content with merely spreading
the love in Sosaria, TLC has recently branched out to include
the scenic highways of beautiful Oregon. Should you catch a
glimpse of the following looming ever closer in your rear view
mirror you would be well advised to grip the dashboard firmly
with both hands and brace for some 8-cylinder, high-octane lovin'
When I go driving,
I stay in my lane...
February 3, 2001
Sorry for the lack of updates but I've
been very lazy lately (don't half the updates start out like
that?). Activity on Siege is still going strong and we're finally
to the point where we can impose our libido on the main gank
squad groups from time to time. Last night we had 3 large fights
outside the Delucia area against what I sure hope was every
anti on the shard (i'd hate to think there are many more). Had
a really great time, we lost a few, but 3 or 4 deaths to 1 is
probably a very conservative estimate. Unfortunately I only
turned on my camera toward the end of the action and missed
taking pics of a ton of carnage, but here's a couple I did get
. . .
*notice me leisurely hiding in the middle of the
battle to take my picture. All those names along the left are
the anti's, the folks on the right are mostly us, wc and ptk.
We banded together for the night since the anti's had a group
of easily 20-25+ for 8 of us earlier. What do they say about
arms races again?*
In other news, check the private board
if you haven't done so in a while. There's 4 or 5 messages that
may/may not be important to you.
January 4, 2001
Requirements have been changed slightly. Basically the rules
against horse-killing have been loosened a bit in particular
scenarios and there is a new rule against gating in/out of dungeons.
December 17, 2000
After some scrapping with a local guild
over the last couple weeks, the following peace treaty has been
proposed for Dead Eye (the GM of SnR) to sign. We hope they
will agree and a long, peaceful relationship can begin. Although
if they don't agree . . . well, that'll be fun too. Either way
is fine :)
Peace Treaty Proposal
December 13, 2000
Individuals interested in joining the
guild should take a look at this document: Membership
If you're still interested after reading
that, leave me your icq on the public messageboard or get a
hold of me through someone else if you can.
December 12, 2000
Since our switchboards are ablaze with
inquiries regarding our new song selection process, I shall
attempt to shed some light on the subject. It all began when
Absolute Zero delivered an ultimatum: either we change the song
to "Anyway you want it", his alltime personal favourite, or
we change it to "Anyway you want it". Seeing as TLC is a bastion
of free love and democracy we naturally put it to a popular
vote. Faced with the tough decision of picking between two identical
and equally sucky choices the citizens cast votes that were
split roughly 50/50 between the two. A few troublemakers suggested
casting their votes for superior alternatives
outside of the two presented but thankfully were shouted down
by the mob as "commies" and "vote wasters".
The inconclusive results sparked an outcry
from the populace as both sides cried foul. All attempts at
the daunting task of counting some 30 votes failed as each count
yielded a different result. As is customary when a situation
loses all semblence of common sense we have turned it over to
the courts. When this unelected judicial body returns its partisan
biased decision the results of our grand democratic process
will finally be known. We thank you for your patience.
-Sex Machine, Shit Disturber, TLC
December 10, 2000
The TLC war machine should begin revving
up over the next couple weeks. We've got 10 GM/master mages
at various stages of readiness with others on the way, so i
expect some 4-5 man "probes" operating within the
*Rubs hands together*
It's all falling into place. Mwuhahaha.
November 30, 2000
Progress on Siege is going well. We have
a couple GM mages with others on the way, and people are earning
money for homes if they haven't gotten one already. Activity
in irc is very high from not only TLC members but ex-Napa players
in general. There's around 30 people using the channel regularly,
so I don't expect having any problems fielding a strong group
once we get going. We're hoping to get some organized love-spreading
going on by Christmas as I hear Santa and his elves feel many
Sosarian's have been very, very naughty this year.
November 16, 2000
Yes, that's right boys and girls, the
rumours are true. TLC is starting up on Siege Perilous. With
the removal of ROT even the laziest member of the guild, Sex
Machine, has grudgingly begun work on his character. We've got
8 of the old members and about 4 or 5 close friends working
hard daily so it shouldn't be too long 'til we're up and running.
If any of you old TLC's are thinking of coming over give me
an icq and I'll give you our new irc channel. And if any of
you old Napa'ites are interested in joining get a hold of me.
We probably won't be recruiting until we've been up and running
strong for 2-3 weeks and have our routines re-configured for
all the rule changes over the last 6 mo's, but we'll be recruiting
November 14, 2000
There comes a time in every mans life
when he looks deep within himself and catches a glimpse of his
carnal side. The side of him that doesn't long for the comforting,
loving partner who will care and nurture for him. No, this is
the side that craves a different kind of love. A... tougher...
kind of love. There's nothing quite like a commanding dominatrix
wearing a black latex body suit, blood red velvet robe and wielding
a 5 foot long, clinically white rod who is just as likely to
give you a kiss as they are to crush your balls with a pair
of pliers. I think I'm in love.
When the moon hits your eye like a big
pizza pie... thats amore!
September 9, 2000
New Dungeon? Who the hell asked for this?
More importantly, who made the decision to actually follow through
with such an idiotic idea. All this is going to do is make yet
another weinerland for whiners to hide out in and feel like
gods because they bladespirited their 4503rd ogre lord who couldn't
figure out how to get around that stalagmite. Also, what happened
to factions? Ever hear of working on something until its finished?
No... lets start 8 dozen things and do a half assed job managing
to finish maybe a third of them.
I want those responsible round up in
a big pen so we can all take turns flogging them. Not only will
we be getting this unwanted dungeon but we are also getting
a few equally unwanted features. "Special consequences
for players to kill other players". Gee, bend over PvP
community, here's an old favourite we know you'll like. After
all, they've fucked us hard up the ass so many times and we're
still throwing money at them... they probably think we enjoy
September 9, 2000
While out and about in our fair land I
always keep a sharp eye out for any prospective lovers who might
be in the area. A quick cupping of the crotch, nimble pinching
of the buttocks and a perusal of their character profile are
all part of the screening process. I met this supple young man
in the lubricants aisle and it was love at first sight. Please
don't email him though, he's all mine.
- Public Enemy
September 7, 2000
Oops, I did it again . . .
The bots over at LumCorp had a brief remark
in their news section about their inevitable bannings (yeah,
right), and included a link to a thread developing on the CoB
discussion board started by a scrappy, young idealist named
Kato (I hear he's highly sexable if you catch my drift, wink
I have a feeling the thread will soon
be exhibiting a massive increase in spelling errors and circular
logic as the Lummites flock to defend their Lizard King, so
go check it out and add your 2 cents to the "debate".
September 6, 2000
Breaking news from the TLC information
network . . .
For those of you who've been following
the boards lately, a couple weeks ago osi gave 72 hour/total
bans to an entire PvP guild (around 44 members if i remember
correctly) on Baja for having an 8 month old (and very dead)
link to UOE on their guild's site. Yes, that was the official
reason sent in their emails . . . an out of date dead link on
Well, earlier today on Lum the Mad's they
provided a link to UltimateFreedom (the new l33t illegal 3rd
party proggy for UO) in their news section.
So this begs the question . . . shouldn't
everyone associated with Lum the Mad's site also be banned or
given suspensions? Now knowing Lummites as the corporate brown-nosing,
osi ass-kissing roleplaying bots they are, I think everyone
knows very well that osi probably isn't going to even acknowledge
the issue, much less do anything about it. It's still a new
issue though so I'm just waiting. Oh how I love to watch obvious
hypocrisy and player favoritism unfold right before my eyes.
September 4, 2000
Yanked this pic off the Dev board today
as it sums up so much about osi lately.
There's been a report from the J-D guild
of Chesapeake that OSI snuck in some code resetting everyone's
short-term murder counts to zero. This might be fine and dandy
if there weren't pk's out there (like us) who actually WANT
their hard-earned murder counts. Their guildmaster Alice Cooper
went from somewhere in the mid 3000's on the bounty board, down
to 5. That's a good way to flush a couple years of accomplishment
down the toilet. This is yet another example of the completely
out of touch programming staff adding change after change without
asking for, or listening to, any input from the playerbase whatsoever.
At the very least we should be given the OPTION of deciding
on our own whether or not to decrease our short-term counts
down to 0, but I guess the idea of a pk wanting murder counts
is completely foreign to their ferret-sized brains. So if your
hundreds of murders go down to 5, you know why. We can start
collecting silver for factions now instead! Woooo!
Oh, also don't forget to lock your doors.
It isn't certain whether the secure/locked down looting bug
(using a new 3rd party proggy) has been fixed yet since as usual
the dev team has decided to keep its playerbase completely in
the dark about any progress, or lack thereof, on this ridiculously
The only good news of late is that you
may see a scrappy young newbie named Ezekill wandering the lands
of Sosaria asking for baubles and shiny weapons. If you see
this unfortunate lad, please give him any extra scraps you have
August 24, 2000
The Love Crusade in 30,000 AD
"All sentients must maintain love
quotients of at least 12.63 CLU's (Cubic Love Units). Failure
to meet or excede these levels will result in the immediate
termination of life functions."
Hurry up Anarchy Online . . . Hurry up
. . .
July 16, 2000
Various crap... (A.K.A. two updates in
one day, it has to be a sign of the apocalypse, run!)
It's a dark day for UO when we're actually
considered worth interviewing. I got a call pretty early into
it that I wasn't able to just let the machine deal with so I
missed most of it.
In other news Absolute Zero and I met
for the first time this weekend. He finally got off his ass
and drove up here for a weekend of chillin' and killin'. He
got to experience first hand the spartan room full of crap in
which my computer sits and I got to witness the amazing feat
of someone getting fall down drunk off a half glass of wine
spritzer. Together we ventured into the world of Counterstrike
and suffered inumerable humiliating defeats at the hands of
our opposition. I think I have yet to use a flashbang without
blinding myself and half my team.
July 16, 2000
Been awhile since I made an update. I'd
like to be able to say that it's been pressing real life issues
that have prevented me from diligently updating this page for
the horde of regular readers (yeah, all four of you) but the
odds of you actually believing me are only marginally better
than the odds of me ever purchasing/subscribing to another EA
or Origin product. UO2? I have left specific instructions for
Cruzader to put me back on track with a rusty lead pipe should
I ever set foot in that game.
TLC hasn't been doing much lately since
there's not all that much to do. (go figure) We're dabbling
a little bit in Diablo 2 and Counterstrike at the moment but
no real organized guild action is in the works. Stay tuned Friend
Citizens and remember:
Stay Alert! Trust no one! Keep
your laser handy!
June 26, 2000
It looks like we are going to be officially
moving to The Damned. I've scheduled a tentative guild mirc
meeting on Friday at 5pm so we can discuss things. Anyone that
plans to come should download the software and get themselves
a little used to the shard before Friday. If you need any technical
assistance contact me, Sex Machine or Cruzader. Or hell. . .
pubs, tarus stile and doug have all been on there so they could
help you also. I just want to hear from you if you're planning
on coming over. We should have a residence for the guild set
up by then assuming everything goes smoothly. Cruzader has agreed
to GM the guild while I get my connection situation stabilized.
Also, start dropping into mirc every once in a while. I been
feeling sorry for little 'ole Jellyroll sitting in there all
by his lonesome. He needs some lovin'.
June 25, 2000
*Rant Mode On*
I'm still looking around desparately for
a needle to shove into my eye. With absolute shock and disbelief
I watched the housing patch fail miserably. As Osi had to predict
what its consumers would do on patch day . . . it was clear
they were going to fail miserably. They've never once shown
even a miniscule understanding of the mechanics of their consumer's
thinkng processes, so why should they start now? For god's sakes,
even *I* thought about placing a house (translation castle/keep)
in Trammel. That could only mean at least 99.9% of the shard
wanted to place, since everyone who knows anything knows I quit
this stupid ass, fucked up, idiot-coded piece-of-shit game months
ago and could give a flying fucking ass about housing. It's
always beautiful when you see a game-wide duping frenzy sweep
the shard right before a house placing patch. Although with
Trammel farming and people earning 20-25k an hour with no risk
whatsoever it's hard to know what rich means anymore. Anyone
remember hanging out for hours in Covetous corpser room at 75gp
a shot, eyes peeled for the next group of dreadlords sweeping
through the dungeons, killing everything in sight? When a giant
snake on your ass meant it was time to high-tail it out of Dodge?
Of course not. When did anyone have to worry about danger in
dungeons? But I digress . . fuck osi. I been trying to get started
up a bit on The Damned. If anyone's been keeping score . . .
that's Seige, Asheron's Call, and The Damned I've tried in the
last few months. I sure seem like a flighty guy, eh? Nope, sorry.
Played UO almost every day of my life since Dec 97 and then
stopped 100% cold-turkey one day about 3 months ago. Wasn't
me, was fucking OSI. Of course, people will continue to tell
me the dread lord days were bullshit, no matter how much I wanted
to relive them, and stat-loss was a necessary evil. But I seem
to remember Covetous in the old days. Walking through the first
level . . . 6 people in the harpy room, 3 in the gazer room,
4 in the corpser room and 4 or 5 hunting in between the halls
from one area to the other. That's not mentioning the 7 or 8
that were hanging out directly outside of the dungeon and down
by Vesper X-road. And then every 15 minutes, like a damn stopwatch,
a group of at least 6-10 reds would come through attacking everything
in sight. Go to Covetous level 1 nowadays and you'll be butt-fucking
lucky if you find 1 guy there. Remember when you used to go
to Covetous, see the 7-8 guys hanging around outside and you'd
ask, "Any Pk's come through lately?" Inevitably the
answer would be . . "about 5 minutes ago there were about
8 mages . . . we're waiting for them to come back now, you want
to join?" THAT was a community. And no matter what time
of the day or night it was, there were ALWAYS 7-8 people there
that otherwise would've never talked to each other if it hadn't
been for pk's. Now the game is a bunch of isolated irc channels
with 50 different groups of people who all think they're too
cool to talk to anyone else, waiting inside their houses for
a good opportunity to gang-bang some enemy that was stupid enough
to hang at a bank while only 1 or 2 members strong ...BUT OSI
HAS 170K ACCOUNTS NOW MAN!!!! Um, where the fuck are they? I
haven't seen more than 1/5th the population I used to see every
god damn day in YEARS. I don't give a shit if they have more
accounts now than they ever had. NO ONE FUCKING PLAYS. You remember
the dread days? EVERY DUNGEON WAS PACKED TO THE GILLS! People
actually used to play then. Now it's a power hour a day if you're
lucky and then the rest of the time its bullshitting on message
boards. And anyone that thinks its the player's fault, and not
the codes, is a fool. Playstyles are a result of the code. There's
enough accounts in UO where the law of large numbers definately
applies, and anyone hoping to change human nature is kidding
themselves. All I can say is they fucked up one great game.
I died 70% of the time to the dreads that came through and I
loved every second of it. When's Shadowbane come out again?
My GERD is acting up again . . . Ugh, I guess I just have a
little Old School Fever. I'm sorry, but 1000 newbies CAN be
*Rant Mode Off*
June 13, 2000
It seems as though our
little friend has a sense of humour after all... as you can see
his skills are still fairly undeveloped, but at least he's trying.
Good work Fenris, there
may be hope for you after all.
June 12, 2000
Guys I have to admit that was one of the most beautiful collection of pictures ever scraped together by a TLC
member. *Cuddles his little buddy* Don't worry Sex Machine, our love spreading is far from over!!
June 12, 2000
Posted some pictures
of happier times in the "Our Tender Embrace" section. It makes me misty
eyed just thinking about all the love and good times... *sniffle*
June 10, 2000
Anybody who's interested in spreading a little
love on Napa should consider hooking up with TOR. To my knowledge they're the only
pk guild still active on this shard. Their guildmaster's ICQ#
is 19048551, give him a shout if you're interested.
June 9, 2000
It's been a long time since I updated this
page (I'm an even bigger slacker than Absolute Zero and Sex
Machine). I have some special news that I'd like to share with
you all though. It is my pleasure to announce that Death and
I are engaged to be married! With all the excitement we haven't
had a chance to set a date or place yet but we'll keep you posted!
June 8, 2000
Kindly remove my picture
from your site at once
or I will pursue legal action.
This isn't UO folks, you can't just slander people in the real
world and expect to get away with it.
by Fenris - Catskills posted
6/8/00 6:54:38 AM
Sue this you depraved freak...
"I post my ugly
ass all over the net and then whine when people make fun of
me" - Fenris of Catskills
June 8, 2000
Profile of a
Madman: Famine, Two Pump Chump, TLC
Famine was born 28 years ago to ordinary
parents in a farmhouse outside Skara Brae. He hasn't been able
to get near a pussy since... Famine grew up in a very sexually-inhibited
home. No one told him about sex, and the knowledge one might
acquire naturally about the subject eluded him. He watched the
barnyard animals scrog but did not understand. He only knew
that he had to find a release for the pent-up frustration and
pressure he felt.
He searched for a long time for a solution
to his dilemna, but to no avail. Finally, his frustration overcame
him and he slew his parents savagely, devouring them in a single
sitting. He then felt that tension start to ease. It wasn't
much of a release, but it was something... a momentary satisfaction
in an eternal hell. And Famine wished to feel it again, and
again, and again... And feel it he did, by wandering the countryside,
slaughtering any person he chanced to meet, in a grisly, violent
Eventually he chanced upon the dynamic duo
of Absolute Zero and Sex Machine of TLC. Famine tried to slay
them, entering a psychotic, spastic rage, but was overmatched
by the cool cunning of his foes. Seeing Famine's potential as
a mass murderer, they decided to take pity on Famine, asking
him to join their guild. Famine relented, planning upon killing
them in their sleep. But before he could, he was given a revelation
by Absolute Zero, who realizing that Famine would be of no use
to them in his current state, taught him the art of masturbation.
It is believed that the result of Famine's
first foray into this art reached escape velocity and is now
orbiting Sosaria. Though one of the very best in Britannia in
slaying the innocent, Famine is still a newbie in his new hobby,
for which he has earned the title "Two Pump Chump".
Famine is not concerned with this. He just can't wait to finally
make it to three...
June 7, 2000
Hmm... 2 updates in 3 months. I'm on a roll...
Haven't done squat with UO since that worthless
UO:R patch pretty much destroyed what little was left for me
in the game. What I don't understand is why? PKing was far from
out of control. Even if it had been there was now an ENTIRE
world for all the wetpants newbies and cum gargling whiners
to run around whacking monsters to their hearts content. There
was simply no reason beyond petty revenge to fuck over the reds
as hard as they did. Did all these losers whine so much that
OSI was finally forced to destroy us? Not fucking likely, were
that the case it would have happened long ago. I suspect it
was fuckups like Sunsword and Runesabre who set the game on
its disasterous course and the worst is yet to come...
Another thing, why the hell are the old lands
called "PVP enhanced"? Would enhancement not indicate
some sort of improvement? PvP Devoid is more like it. They had
an incredible opportunity when they created Barneyland and as
usual they totally fucked it up. All they had to do was remove
stat loss and let the old world be as it once was. The whiners
could hang out in Barneyland indefinitely and would never have
to be pk'd while those interested in PvP could have a blast
fighting each other in the old lands. I'm even willing to deal
with the no recall/gate/aggressor flag bullshit if I wasn't
stat loss. I'm more than willing to fight the good fight if
you don't rape my characters stats/skills when I inevitably
die. It all makes so much sense to me and I have yet to see
an even remotely logical post in opposition of it.
"But its 'PvP Enhanced' not 'PK Enhanced!"
Universal response of the clueless idiot,
aka "The Fenris Tactic". Here's a tip, stop spouting
buzzwords and catch phrases for 30 seconds and try to come up
with your own opinion on the issue.
"If you don't want to take stat loss
then don't pk!"
Yeah thats about as valid as the old "if
you don't want to be pk'd, don't leave town" argument.
"But my houses are all in the old
So what? Houses are now 100% secure, what
do you care? You'll be able to move them to newbieland soon
enough anyways. If OSI had half a brain they would've made the
new world the "PvP Enhanced area" and turned the old
world into Barneyland.
"Factions are coming soon!"
Factions are going to be total garbage much
like guildwars were. A whole lot of recalling from bank to bank
(or townstone to townstone as the case may be) in a desperate
search for an orange target. Nothing can replace the ability
to totally ambush an enemy who has no idea they're about to
be attacked. I used to run around with my blue characters and
actually feel as though the world was dangerous and exciting.
Now I can't even be bothered to hide when I leave the room to
take a piss.
I have literally been getting half a dozen
requests a day for TLC to return to Napa Valley. Most of those
from people we used to hunt and kill. They tell me they miss
the excitement of knowing we could attack at any time and how
much fun they had regrouping to hunt us down. In destroying
us, the villains, OSI has also destroyed the heroes who once
fought valiantly against us.
Return to Napa? I can pretty much say its
not going to happen. Most of us have cancelled our accounts
and moved on to Asherons Call or The Damned. OSI and Origin would have to pull
their heads out of their asses and make some big changes before
I'll consider giving them any of my business again (UO or otherwise).
*extends middle finger and aims it in the
general direction of Texas*
May 20, 2000
Welp, a bit overdue for an update.
Basically no one has pk'ed since the UO:R patch 'cept for pubs
who was on a suicide mission. Actually I think I've played a
grand total of 4 hours since that patch and don't see anything
changing. My character on Seige is moderately okay and I could
probably pk with him, but I'm so disillusioned right now I get
a sick feeling in my stomach any time I log on. Sex Machine,
Cruzader, Famine, Death, Bahamut and I have all basically moved
on to Darktide full-time and it looks like that'll probably
be permanent, at least until the next big thing comes around.
Apparently Tripp is also threatening to come over from what
I've picked up on the rumor mill. It's not UO during it's heyday
. . . but it's still pretty fun and in many ways its FAR more
brutal than the dreadlord days ever wished they coulda been.
The Fenris's of the world would probably play for about 3 minutes
before sobbing uncontrollably and hanging themselves by their
furcoats. Nice to finally get a breather from all the defeatist
pussies for a while. I'm getting my ass dropped daily (although
not anywhere near as often as famine and baha . . . those newbs)
and just like in UO all it's done is made me want to learn,
get good, and figure out a way to start putting some of my own
smack down. Damn the UO crybaby's for fucking up our game. Probably
won't be updating here much unless we get some organized Darktide
action going. If you're TLC or a friend and looking for a change,
come on over. We suck major ass, but we'll get there . . .
April 27, 2000
Welp, they finally did it. The worst
patch in OSI's history was just implemented (an AMAZING feat
in itself). Pk'ing = dead, Duelling = dead, Total newbie character
= ultimate pvp'ing machine, and a doubling of the land mass
for an already much smaller active playing population. Everything
you could do to a pk to fuck him over outside of character deletion
on death has been implemented. Full stat loss, an inability
to leave the area of an attack, and an inability to work a decent
character back up. I can't even think of what else they could
do to fuck up a pk more than they already have outside of character
deletion. And what were the two main factors that made duelling
tactically interesting during the golden age of the duel? 1.
Pre-casting,and 2. Insta-hits. Both gone now, even though basically
no one in the entire UO pvp'ing population asked for either
one of those changes. Just to make things even lamer they throw
in a completely random special power for weapons just to make
sure that the removal of skill that went along with no precasting
and no insta-hitting was total and complete. How bout they just
give us all a 6-sided die and instead of actually fighting battles
just let us roll the thing, highest roll takes all. Got yourself
a 7x mage you worked your ass off on? Might as well delete 'em.
I'll make a char in one week that will beat his ass into oblivion.
The Golden Age of the Newbie has arrived. Oh well, I guess now
the gm's can compete on their home shards. Could someone please
remind me what the fucking point to this game was?
- Absolute Zero
March 31, 2000
For those of you attempting to get
your foot into Seige there is a document in the Private section
that I will continue to update very regularly. It'll basically
surmise my characters progress and will contain any tips and
knowledge I gain as I create my character. Hopefully some of
you can extract some useful information from it and avoid some
of the mistakes or problems I'm sure to run into as I continue.
Also it can act as a benchmark for figuring out whether you
are progressing fast or slow and give you an idea of what to
expect as far as skill gains go.
March 29, 2000
Been spending a lot of time on Seige
lately. TLC isn't moving there officially but I'd like members
to at least create a character there and work on stats (explanation
of how to raise stats with basically NO work is in the private
section. It doesn't take work but it takes TIME cause you can
only go up so much per day, so start early). I'm going to play
there while waiting for faction system to come in since there's
very little for me to do on Napa right now. We may try switching
officially depending on how things go so I would like those
of you interested in switching to have chars somewhat in the
works. I should be able to provide at least a little startup
$ for those of you with nothing to your name (hopefully Stile
and Bahamut will also be willing to provide a little startup
$) so please contact me when you make your char. We're still
going to pk on Napa, but as you can see from what's been happening
the last couple weeks it'll be at a diminished rate. No one
knows how to ruin a guild quite like OSI.
March 21, 2000
Cruzader tries to get the
attention of his attractive cellmate
March 19, 2000
TLC took part in
what began as a peaceful demonstration last night on the
Chesapeake shard. The beginning of the rally went
quite smoothly and the vast majority of those in attendance
were quite well behaved. Things swiflty got out of hand
when representatives from OSI arrived. I'd like to
think they arrived to hear us out but the realist in me
suspects their appearance was the result of the actions
of a few troublemakers. At any rate the GM's began
ejecting people from the castle and locked the doors in
an unacceptable attempt to deal with these few problem players.
After being ejected twice for the heinous crime of standing
there watching the mass of people it was time to do something
Viva La Revolution!
March 18, 2000
You push your way
through the sea of smelly bodies and take a seat in the
far corner of the room. Glancing around to make sure
nobody is watching, you reach beneath your chair and find
the paper covered package you knew would be there.
Tucking it snugly under your cloak you make your way back
out of the building and walk swiftly down the street and
into a nearby alley. You pause for a moment to make sure
you are alone and then hide yourself behind a pile of rotting
kegs. Once there you untie the strings binding the
package and wonder who the next man to feel your dagger
between his shoulder blades will be...
March 17, 2000
In the course of
this glorious crusade we see a lot of pretty shocking things.
Sizzling flesh, popped eyeballs and people who tuck their
pants into their socks. We have learned to deal with
it though, our minds have been desensitized to the horrors
of battle and most things don't phase us. Note how
I said 'most'... sometimes we come across sights so horrid,
so unexplainable that even our rock solid psyche can't handle
it. These pictures are from just such an occasion...
- "I'd watch out for that
one, it's poisonous" - Lonewolf
- Sex Machine
March 17, 2000
Now that the number
of visitors to this page has skyrocketed into the mid 20's,
I thought we should clean up our image a bit; no more
dead links, inconsistent layouts and incomplete pages for
us. I also made the font a bit smaller to give us
that streamlined space-age look.
- Sex Machine
March 14, 2000
Added an explanation to
our acts onto the pink mob picture page. Apparently the
pics were being linked by some in the pro stat-loss crowd
under the misguided impression they were evidence for their
point. To go straight to the explanation click here:
March 10, 2000
The PvP community got together
today to exhibit their dissatisfaction with OSI's refusal
to acknowledge their voice and opinions about the game we've
all played so long and contributed so much money toward.
With the introduction of a skill system that makes it 10X
more difficult for a stat-loss pk to work himself back up,
and a continuing refusal to acknowledge that the original
reasons for the implementation of stat-loss will soon disappear
with the introduction of pvp+ and pvp- lands, the pvp community
has come together to send a resounding message that we want
pk'ing and anti warfare back in all its glory in the pvp+
lands. For this occasion, many members of historically opposing
guilds, have put their differences aside for a greater cause.
Representation from an appreciable percentage of the shard's
major pvp guilds: DoK, MK, TLC, TOC, SI, vR^, *G*, and TR2
among others joined together for the first time to go on
a murderous rampage, exhibiting the tension and conflict
between forces that the game could never dream of reproducing
with systems of purely consentual combat. Screenshots of
the nights rampage appear in the picture section so go check
'em out. Here's a small sample . . .
Feel the wrath of pink terror!
March 2, 2000
Allieship with L%C is over.
More trouble than it's worth. Also DoK disbanded so that
allieship is also over. That leaves KoT and /P\. Haven't
talked to any of the /P\ members in eons though so be cautious
around them regardless.
February 26, 2000
TLC and friends bust a move
on many a booty. Made a special page dedicated to today
in the pic section. Go check it out! Here's a small sample
for you lazy bastards . . .
February 24, 2000
Yet another allieship today.
This time with L%C. I think that pretty much covers all
the main guilds that contain TLC blues so hopefully there
will no longer be any confusion when running into DoK's
and L%C's. Once again the agreement only extends to members
with TLC or L%C initials over their head. As always, if
anyone breaks the alliance or an "accident" occurs
please contact me so we can deal with it and decide on a
clear stance asap.
Current Allies: KoT, /P\,
February 22, 2000
We've officially entered
a non-attack agreement with DoK. This means if we run into
any character with DoK initials we are not to attack. Likewise,
DoK is not to attack any character with TLC initials. This
brings our current allies up to: KoT, /P\, and DoK. If there
are any attacks on either side please inform me ASAP so
it can be dealt with immediately as confusion on this matter
may end up with the unnecessary death of a stat-loss red.
- Absolute Zero
February 18, 2000
Was a fun night out with
many corpses left in our tracks. Shouts go out to Teron
for breaking 100 murders and Spank The Monkey for beginning
what I'm sure will become a long and illustrious career.
Feel the Love!
February 12, 2000
Bio's link is back to working.
Thanks to Tripp for changing some of those pesky lower-case
letters to upper case. Tech support can be such a nightmare
. . .
February 7, 2000
Never let it be said I don't
have enough free time . . .
Ever wondered what the top
25 kill list on the shard might look like? No? Well, tough
cause I happen to have it for you. This may not be exact,
but if a pk has shown his face at all on the bounty board
since 6/8/99 I've seen it. There may be 1 or 2 not on the
list that should be included, but that's it at the most.
So here it is . . . enjoy :)
Top 25 bounty board verified
kills as of 2/5/00
1. 1712 Absolute
Zero - TLC
11. 540 Jelly Roll
21. 308 Crossbow
2. 1382 Stile -
12. 493 Cruzader
22. 275 Sir Garrith
3. 1111 Bahamut
13. 465 Dooms Day
22. 275 Judge Judy
4. 804 Sex Machine
14. 441 Emo - ?
24. 273 Anastasia
5. 802 Kane - TOC
15. 440 Famine -
25. 250 Viper -
6. 725 Rup - TOC
16. 389 MeDoc -
7. 707 Lithium -
17. 352 Sike III
8. 593 Erasor - TLC
18. 341 Nickolia
9. 574 Vitamin X
19. 337 Tripp -
10. 556 Morpheus
20. 331 Shyracin
Every couple of months I'll update
this so we can see the TLC's gravitate toward the top :)
Keep up the good work guys!
February 7, 2000
The TLC Private Section
has recently been added and will hopefully soon be full
of all sorts of fun tidbits for those deemed cool enough
to enter. The Private board has also been changed and started
anew. I'll icq out the pw to get in to these sections, or
if I happen to forget, someone give me a shout. As if we
need more passwords . . . And yes, I know, the bio's link
doesn't work anymore. Don't worry, our top people have been
assigned to the task so hopefully it may be fixed within
the next fiscal year.
- Absolute Zero
February 5, 2000
Because of stat-loss, it
is a commonly known fact that TLC will only gang bang their
prey and recall on sight whenever numbers are not drastically
in their favor. Due to this fact i'm sure you can all imagine
the paralyzing fear Absolute Zero, Tripp and Sir Garrith
felt when they stumbled upon roughly 12 adventurers hanging
out at Britain's crossroads.
True to form, the TLC promptly
recalled after seeing the 12 adventurers . . . but only
after a brief 9 murder detour.
January 18, 2000
Some people wonder what's
the secret behind our group's organization and coordination
in the field. Well, the answer is simple. Basic World World
II battle tactics! Phear us!
January 17, 2000
Welp I'm finally getting
off my arse and taking the time to figure out how to work
on the page. Linked up Tripp's bio work, the public board,
the private board, and will revamp the picture site soon.
Also look for more frequent updates in the future.
- Absolute Zero
November 28, 1999
Tripp has graciously offered
her expertise in making us each a Flash-enhanced bio to
cream our pants over. Send a picture of your paperdoll
and a copy of your bio to her and she will make you a star.
November 28, 1999
In an uncharacteristic fit
of productivity I'm giving the site a facelift. If
you have anything to add just let me, Cruz or Absolute Zero
know. I'd also like to thank FeelMyLove for allowing
us to use his server to host this site. Plant a big
wet one on him next time you see him.
November 15, 1999
Reminder of TLC req's: 90
magery, 80+ medi and eval, upper 90's str. You should not
be going out with other TLC members if you do not meet these.
You may not be concerned with your char being top-notch
but other members expect you to meet these min req's and
depend on your competency. Also there has been an increase
in the amount of pointless res-killings going on. I know
it can be fun and occasionally amusing, but it is not the
policy of TLC to res-kill without decent justification.
If you feel you must act like one of the other countless
D00D pk's on the shard feel free to join another pk guild.
TLC will take joy in the act of murder and not in the humiliation
or disrespect of its victims.
November 14, 1999
We here at TLC are very
proud to announce that our very own Stile has become the
#2 lover on the shard in kills with 873 and rising!!! yay
=P~ Lez all give Stile a big kiss when we see him!
In other less important
news, we need a small, funny biography on your character
so we can add it to the upcoming members section. Also,
if anyone can make that a passworded members section, please
icq Cruzader or Sex Machine.. Thank yaz!
November 9, 1999
Sometimes our victims look up at
us with big puppy dog eyes and say "What would your
mothers think?" Well I never knew my parents but I
know one mother who doesn't disapprove of her son's career.
Her name is Mrs. Stile and she's so proud she sent us some
cute pictures of her little bundle of joy.
"Now don't that just melt yer
heart?" - Stiles Mother
November 7, 1999
November 7, 1999
Whats the difference between a Roman
Catholic priest and ACNE?
ACNE doesn't come on your face until
November 6, 1999
We owe a lot to the people of Britannia,
they feed us, they clothe us and most importantly of all
they provide us with endless hours of entertainment. There's
only so much you can take without having to give back. With
that in mind we took some time out of our hectic schedules
to extend our greetings to the people of this magnificent
"Beautiful man, just beautiful..."
- Sex Machine with a tear in his eye
November 6, 1999
Made a cheesy banner at
the top. For the love of god somebody make a better one!!!
November 4, 1999
The News of the Front section has
been posted. It will contain very important data and information
which is too long to post up here. Please look at what is
there, for it is very important.
November 3, 1999
Special thanks to Famine
for dipping into his Musical Archives and pulling the musical
nightmare you are listening to now. It was also his idea
to loop it for added enjoyment.
"Hanson rox the classroom!"
November 3, 1999
TLC Fun Fact #12! Did you
know that in real life Absolute Zero was the big Indian
in a certain hit 70's band?
"Macho, Macho Man..."
November 2, 1999
The TLC page is in it's
infancy... any members who have anything to contribute please
let Cruzader, Absolute Zero or Sex Machine know. We do mean
ANYTHING. As you can see, we're not very picky :)
November 2, 1999
Meet the "Man behind
it all"... Cruzader! Yes ladies, that is a sock.